Never lose yourself

When you know what you’re against,
And you fight for it yourself,
Then you’re pressured from all sides,
To the point where you waver,
It hurts to fold to a lie,
A lie you told yourself against you.

When you’re just trying to make sense,
Of the things that surround you,
Just existing is disorienting,
And you are no longer sure,
All your certainties are vanishing,
Because someone turned on you.

It was easy to get stuck in a limbo,
Where you are certain of just one thing,
To fool yourself into submission,
So nothing troublesome happen,
But when you wake up my dear,
That’s when the nightmare starts.

When you wake with frightening certainty,
You have been wronged by yourself,
You have been manipulated against you,
And you have made mistakes you can’t change,
It hurts all the more that you trusted,
The lie that you spun for yourself.

It is painful to realize,
You stole choices from yourself,
You were confused and you were slow,
You were abused and you didn’t know,
You are hurt yet can’t complain,
Because it makes you feel worse.

And when you finally gain strength,
Strength to end everything wrong,
Something has been planted on you,
A limiter to your own possibilities,
It hurts and it’s bittersweet,
Because it’s something you must welcome.

Imagine it

Ignorant

Imagine a child without a friend in the world,
Who her peers had shunned for difference,
And the guys made fun of for naivety,
Imagine that and wonder how her life had been.

Imagine a daughter her parents had loved,
But always fretted about because she was weird,
Why wasn’t she like her siblings?
They were normal and smart and had friends.

Imagine her loneliness from a town she was unwelcome,
Moving into a city looking for a place to belong,
Imagine years of gaining a friend and losing them,
Facing her journey mostly alone.

Imagine then her joy, meeting a group of friends,
They welcomed her and accepted her,
She finally belonged, she’s finally accepted,
She was happy and proud, to finally gain some friends.

Imagine then, when one of those friends,
Turned his eyes to her and fancied her,
To finally feel wanted and pleasing,
To feel like not a reject and unpleasing.

Confused

Imagine too when she rejected the guy,
For her family and for herself,
Then her friends turning on her,
Because it was speculated that she was a tease.

Imagine then the pressure she faced,
To simply go along and accept what she’s handed,
And to accept even the things she’s reluctant to,
Simply because it was normal and it was what was done.

Alone

Imagine then her world growing up,
Isolated with no one to really complain to,
Even when things started going wrong,
She wasn’t even aware they were that bad.

Imagine then when her parents found out,
The things she gave up for “love”,
That she was lying to herself about love,
Just to keep what she finally had.

Disappointment

And when things were really really bad,
And she realized it and stopped at her tracks,
And her parents were reprimanding her,
For being stupid and doing what’s “normal”.

Imagine how it hurt her, for her parents to shun her,
To ask her what they lacked for her,
To come home and find that her plea was denied,
Because she was stupid and unchaste.

Imagine then her frustrations, to be told what they thought,
That a woman’s chastity, is just a trophy for men,
That all the more now, she was told she will be unwanted,
Because she is now tainted, dirty and used.

And in this situation, she was told her mother’s dream,
To have her married happily, with a husband who can earn,
To have children while supported and welcomed by the world,
Imagine then seeing her life fall apart from those words.

Thanks for encouraging me

I had a goal I knew,
A dream I wished for,
I had plans and everything,
Except action and decision,

There are things I want,
To do and accomplish,
But certainty, I lack,
The conviction to push through,

How can I put effort,
On things I know will fail,
Because I was too used to it,
To getting discouraged by you,

“Why?” you ask me again and again,
Why I falter and fail too much,
Unlike my brothers and sister.
Why am I the only one unsuccessful?

I was never sure what I really want,
I have never been sure of what I can do,
I have devised plans and course of action,
But I never put enough effort.

How can I when I know what you’ll say,
That I’m never good enough,
And never industrious enough,
When my efforts you claim are useless.

“Normal” is Their String

In a society that expects you to behave,
According to certain rules of conduct,
You can’t rely on your own judgement,
Because that will not be respectful.

In this society, you were brought up,
Learning certain rules in life,
That your own judgement in what’s right,
Is up for rebuke if it’s not theirs.

This society we live in,
They want you to be tame,
Unselfish and loyal,
To the ways we each were taught.

This SOCIETY we live in,
Where it’s normal to distinguish,
Black from white, concave or convex.
Decides your place in life for you.

IN THIS SOCIETY we were taught,
Your WORTH depends on NUMBERS.
That the light you have in your heart,
Is unwise and inconvenient.

THIS VERY SOCIETY we exist in,
The more dead you are, the better you fit,
Because what they need are puppets,
Not a fighter with a heart.

We were taught to kill our hearts,
In the same breath they taught numbers.
Because your passion does not matter,
If it’s against their flow of power.

They say, each of us is unique,
So no one really is,
So they kill what’s different in each,
BECAUSE THIS IS NORMAL.