I am stronger

I was too kind to you,
I forgot to be kind to myself,
I was too concerned about your happiness,
That I forgot about mine.

We have been happy too,
But you hide from your issues,
You shun my words because I was nagging,
Because you forgot to be self sufficient.

I am again thinking back,
Because I was sincere with you,
I tried my best to be good and kind,
But you’ve never done the same to me.

It was regretful that I was too worried for you,
That I didn’t notice me destroying myself,
Twisting hard to things I don’t want,
Because you kept on telling me your false truths.

You made me think it was alright,
It’s what I should do and my responsibility,
But your life is yours, and my life is mine,
I will not be swayed by your beliefs that shatter my soul.

I am my own person, I’m not in charge of your future,
You manipulated me to stay, to use me,
But I am free now and I looked back,
You only seemed strong because I let you.

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Never lose yourself

When you know what you’re against,
And you fight for it yourself,
Then you’re pressured from all sides,
To the point where you waver,
It hurts to fold to a lie,
A lie you told yourself against you.

When you’re just trying to make sense,
Of the things that surround you,
Just existing is disorienting,
And you are no longer sure,
All your certainties are vanishing,
Because someone turned on you.

It was easy to get stuck in a limbo,
Where you are certain of just one thing,
To fool yourself into submission,
So nothing troublesome happen,
But when you wake up my dear,
That’s when the nightmare starts.

When you wake with frightening certainty,
You have been wronged by yourself,
You have been manipulated against you,
And you have made mistakes you can’t change,
It hurts all the more that you trusted,
The lie that you spun for yourself.

It is painful to realize,
You stole choices from yourself,
You were confused and you were slow,
You were abused and you didn’t know,
You are hurt yet can’t complain,
Because it makes you feel worse.

And when you finally gain strength,
Strength to end everything wrong,
Something has been planted on you,
A limiter to your own possibilities,
It hurts and it’s bittersweet,
Because it’s something you must welcome.