On keeping friends

When I graduated from being bullied,
I was surrounded by new people,
I tried my best to be better,
To no longer cry and show anger.

I did my best to fit in,
To be jolly and friendly,
I had lots of acquaintances,
I knew a lot of people,

Before I realized it,
I have turned stoic and apathetic,
I trusted no one,
I held no deep attachment.

I wanted friends to hangout with,
But I had no one and I was lonely,
No one will call me out of the blue,
No one to hang out with during breaks.

I don’t know how I got new friends,
I wasn’t aware until it began,
They call me out and we hang around,
We go out and we broke a few rules.

I was still unattached,
But I knew I could stay,
I could call them my friends,
Even when I’m not priority.

I guess with how things went,
What I learned the most was,
I should not kill my emotions,
Just so I can blend in.

They might think me as a friend,
But they will plant no roots on me,
When they know I’ll just leave,
As easily as I arrived.

We all have our reasons

There are words that rhyme in my mouth,
I have thoughts in my head I want to share,
I have feelings in my heart I want you to know,
And I have tears I have yet to shed.

I’ve had a happy life, a blessed childhood,
We had good fortune and golden lessons,
We learned, we laughed, we cried and shared,
We are happy, but what’s missing?

I was brought up happy, and I look happy,
I share my smile but not my heart,
I laugh loud but shed silent tears,
I look happy, you will think I’m happy.

“Others have it worse” or so they say,
I am blessed and fortunate,
This I really believe,
But things are amiss, and you have no clue.

I have a will to please and I wish you proud,
Of the daughter you raised as best as you can
I wanted you happy, no regrets, no worries,
But here I am, not much of a person.

I am obedient and I am proud,
Of what you’ve taught me and things you showed me,
But what of me have I shown?
When I have always been ordered to do as told?