C.O.N.S.E.N.T.

Do you wish my hate and contempt?
Are the words I uttered unheard?
Are you deaf or just uncomprehending?
No means no and you are not in control of me.

Have I not be clear when I said it so?
When I say no and you push your suit,
When I push you away and you taunt me,
You said I wanted it when I didn’t.

There are limits for my tolerance,
And it’s shorter now after staying with you,
You make me feel guilty when I shouldn’t be,
You blame me, yet you’re the one at fault.

You call me selfish, again and again,
To my face and behind my back.
I know I am granted what I want and need,
But your ego is on another level.

I’m hating you and hating my decisions,
I will end this soon and you will know it.
Because I’m hating you and I’m blaming you,
For the wrongs I suffer when I am with you.

Advertisements

Your claims are lies

I have told you of my wish,
To leave and spread my wings,
To grow and learn some things,
I simply can’t do if I stay.

You drain my time and resources,
You claim me yet you envy me,
You wish for my pride in you,
Yet you can’t give me proof.

You say my standards are high,
I ask too much and give too little,
That my freedom of choice is selfishness,
And I should stay to keep you happy.

You wish for me like sunlight,
That I should be happy so you can be,
But I have emotions of my own,
And with you there is less so.

Give me my freedom and peace,
Live on your own and for yourself,
I do not wish to be your pillar,
When I need a support of my own.

Stop stabbing at my pity

Of all the people to accuse me,
I will never accept it from you.
To call me selfish and unfeeling,
To ask me why I’m giving up on you.

I am not your wife nor a mother of your child,
I have no obligation to see you through.
I tried my best to help and guide,
But now you accuse me when I’m sick of you.

You always cry to show me your tears,
To call to my pity and gain more time,
Because you are trying to shackle me,
Trying to remove my options so I can’t leave.

You keep on asking me why I am selfish,
When I’m trying to care for myself,
You do your best to claim all my efforts.
I don’t want this anymore.

You destroy me and my future,
For the future you wish for yourself.
I do not wish for that to be my reality,
I will shape my own path and not with you.

My sister is a bit selfish

My sister clings to my arm,
She drags me to places she wants,
To the mall or to the bar,
If there’s no man to warm her heart

She complains to me a lot,
And she takes care of me when not,
Only when she’s lonely,
When no one will take her to places.

I love my sister, really,
But she rarely loves me back,
She doesn’t care when I get sick,
As long as there’s her lover in her room.

I try my best to bear it,
When she finds one to give her heart,
But she forgets me when she does,
And I miss her, but that’s that.

I am alive and I changed

They say people are like reflections,
The emotions you show and feel,
The smile, the anger, the sadness,
It can be reflected back to you.

I assume that this is your reason,
Why you expect me to smile as you wish,
So you could be happy as I seem,
Even when I feel empty within.

You tell me you know me,
You say you knew that my smiles are true,
You say we’ve been happy,
And your choices are for “us”

The truth as you see right now,
Is but a fraction of me,
Because when I am unhappy and anxious,
You refuse to believe I can be.

You tell me I am your beacon,
In the night that is your life.
I am not digital, I can’t stay the same,
The things you wish for are too selfish.

Why do we stay?

I tried imagining it,
What you see when you look at me,
When on my lips you hear a whisper,
A constant promise of me leaving.

I try hearing my voice with your ears,
What you hear when I sing,
When my songs are of flying,
Away from here, away from you.

I wonder why you stay,
I might be barren, my life fleeting.
I can promise you today,
And we can only dream of tomorrow.

I am selfish and unkind,
Not even beautiful or alluring.
I nag you and criticize you,
And yet you insist that I stay.

Tell me your reasons and wishes,
When you choose to cage me when I wish to leave.
I do not wish to hate you,
When you promise me your future and not my dream.

The things we share

I can’t always be happy,
Will you allow me grief?
Grief for the little things,
I can’t even name.
I don’t want to cry,
But when I get silent,
Can you stay with me?
Maybe pat my head,
Or sing me a song?
I won’t cry right now,
You wouldn’t know what to do,
So I’ll just stay quiet,
And think things through.
I don’t really want to talk,
I just want company,
Will you let me be selfish,
For a night or a week?

I won’t stay sad,
I have to smile for you,
I have to smile for others,
Or they wouldn’t know what to do.
They don’t know I’m unhappy,
But few really do.
Can you let me be sad,
Just while I’m with you?
I just want company,
The times I feel lonely.
We all have ups and downs,
The downs we share with few,
It’s nothing really new,
It’s just that no one knew.
I have downs too,
And these I share with you.