Stoic from anger suppression

There were times when I looked back,
Where I regretted my inaction,
Because you convinced me to stay,
And take your side all the time.

I looked back and found things,
Where I regret not walking away,
When your temper bursts,
Using my well-being as your excuse.

You were shouting at someone and making a scene,
And when I tried calming you, you turned on me,
“Why aren’t you on my side? You’re my girlfriend!”
I should’ve walked away back then.

You also once reminded me too much,
That if I leave you you will kill yourself,
That I am your only reason to live,
I should’ve told you, “your life is not my responsibility.”

When I was breaking up with you in private,
Because of my sympathy for your reactions,
You pushed me down and cried while begging,
“Just one last sex, because it might never happen again.”

I should’ve slapped you then,
But my emotions shut itself down,
I couldn’t understand what I was feeling,
Was it pity, was it anger, or was it disgust?

You tried your best to get me pregnant,
I knew then but I was feeling lost,
I didn’t know whether to stop you or just let you,
Because I was so confused because I’ve told you not to.

I regretted that I didn’t push you away,
Because you convinced me from the start it was your right,
Your right as my boyfriend, to have sex often,
Because I’m your girlfriend, and I should let you.

Why didn’t I realize the signs in the beginning,
When I rejected you and you didn’t stop,
Spreading rumors and pressuring me,
To stop me from resisting so you can get what you want.

I really wish I was stronger back then,
To see the signs of your wrong actions,
But the society brought me up with misogynist views,
I didn’t know better, no one could’ve told me.

I wish I’ve woken up sooner,
To know that your control is only because I let you,
Because I was strong but too kind to you,
When you never deserved my kindness from the start.

I am stronger

I was too kind to you,
I forgot to be kind to myself,
I was too concerned about your happiness,
That I forgot about mine.

We have been happy too,
But you hide from your issues,
You shun my words because I was nagging,
Because you forgot to be self sufficient.

I am again thinking back,
Because I was sincere with you,
I tried my best to be good and kind,
But you’ve never done the same to me.

It was regretful that I was too worried for you,
That I didn’t notice me destroying myself,
Twisting hard to things I don’t want,
Because you kept on telling me your false truths.

You made me think it was alright,
It’s what I should do and my responsibility,
But your life is yours, and my life is mine,
I will not be swayed by your beliefs that shatter my soul.

I am my own person, I’m not in charge of your future,
You manipulated me to stay, to use me,
But I am free now and I looked back,
You only seemed strong because I let you.

Creating ripples

We have feared making actions,
To affect lives for the worse,
Or make them regret something,
Or to make people sad.

We hesitate to give advice,
Or give half-hearted ones to not be blamed,
We are fickle and we falter,
But we only seek to help.

We fear creating ripples,
Because we know how it feels,
To blame someone for our own decisions,
Just due to minor influence.

I still can’t blame myself for it,
To be fickle when it’s someone else’s life,
Because it’s theirs to live, not mine,
I wish to help, but I’m not perfect.

Take care of yourself

We determine what we can tolerate,
If it’s worth our love and patience,
And if love wins or not,
We find out sooner or later.

There are times we realize things late,
When we can no longer change course,
Or when we have invested too much,
But step back a bit and think about it.

We have our ideals and it’s rare to find,
The flaws with it are part of the package,
We deal with what we have and work with it,
To a compromise or to find an ending.

Don’t sacrifice yourself for naught,
When you know it’s too wrong and they won’t change,
Because when the time comes and you regret,
You might have sacrificed much more than you should.

Apathy is lonely

I am sad and I accused you,
I am lonely from lack of your love,
I cried and yelled,
Comfort me,
Love me.

You weren’t wrong.
You gave all your love to me,
It wasn’t you who didn’t love me.

I never loved.
And your love was like water,
Water on parched soil.
I have been taking and not giving,
Your efforts were not fruitful.
I blamed you, and you took it,
We left, and I regretted.
And I was lonely still.