(NOT) Burning Bridges

I was talking with a friend about burning or keeping bridges earlier and she encouraged me to go back to blogging, although few people pass by my page, I’ll just leave this here in case anyone needs it.

My father is a businessman, and in business where connections are always wanted and a necessity, we grew up with his example and encouragement not to burn bridges. But in life, you meet all sorts of people, some of them are good for you, some not, so it’s inevitable that you won’t like everyone you meet. It will also happen that you outgrow some friends and the old memories just seem so childish and naive that when that friend wants to revisit those old memories, you might just scoff and mostly be stiff or plain unfriendly with them. You’ll also meet people who are downright nasty, people who will suck you dry either monetarily or mentally. Not all people you meet will be nice or good for you.

What do we do with the not-nice people? Do we abandon them and burn bridges? Block them on social media or pretend to not know them? – Of course not. even though you must not burn bridges, it doesn’t mean you have to maintain all connections. Maintaining friendship takes effort and not all friendships are worth the effort (yet) but that doesn’t mean breaking it off. You will maintain the friends who help you grow, of course, but you shouldn’t cease to be friends with someone just because they don’t fit you right now. People change, those people might change and be your guides someday, but if you burned the bridge, any future friendship might be sour or bitter.

It might sound cold, but you can put those less than pleasant friends on-hold if they are too draining. But also try to understand them, find out why. Some people are just temporarily draining due to recent unpleasant events like unemployment, disease or family problems, while some just suck you dry of your good vibes for any reason no matter how shallow. Know who to keep in touch and who to mute until further notice, but that doesn’t mean you should turn cold to a person who’s going through a hard time just because he/she can’t help at the moment. Try to be kind but not too kind that you get taken advantage of.

My advice for you is to make connections, as much as you want. Meet all kinds of people and make friends or acquaintances. Knowing one of those people might just be your meal ticket in the future, your mentor, or future partner. Connections open opportunities that might otherwise be unavailable to you. Because that friend will know other people who might need you and if you are a good person then they will help you and think of you. Meet and talk to the kind of people you want to be but don’t forget to be yourself, you don’t have to please everyone.

This is not a black and white rule, burn bridges with a person who abuses you.

Stoic from anger suppression

There were times when I looked back,
Where I regretted my inaction,
Because you convinced me to stay,
And take your side all the time.

I looked back and found things,
Where I regret not walking away,
When your temper bursts,
Using my well-being as your excuse.

You were shouting at someone and making a scene,
And when I tried calming you, you turned on me,
“Why aren’t you on my side? You’re my girlfriend!”
I should’ve walked away back then.

You also once reminded me too much,
That if I leave you you will kill yourself,
That I am your only reason to live,
I should’ve told you, “your life is not my responsibility.”

When I was breaking up with you in private,
Because of my sympathy for your reactions,
You pushed me down and cried while begging,
“Just one last sex, because it might never happen again.”

I should’ve slapped you then,
But my emotions shut itself down,
I couldn’t understand what I was feeling,
Was it pity, was it anger, or was it disgust?

You tried your best to get me pregnant,
I knew then but I was feeling lost,
I didn’t know whether to stop you or just let you,
Because I was so confused because I’ve told you not to.

I regretted that I didn’t push you away,
Because you convinced me from the start it was your right,
Your right as my boyfriend, to have sex often,
Because I’m your girlfriend, and I should let you.

Why didn’t I realize the signs in the beginning,
When I rejected you and you didn’t stop,
Spreading rumors and pressuring me,
To stop me from resisting so you can get what you want.

I really wish I was stronger back then,
To see the signs of your wrong actions,
But the society brought me up with misogynist views,
I didn’t know better, no one could’ve told me.

I wish I’ve woken up sooner,
To know that your control is only because I let you,
Because I was strong but too kind to you,
When you never deserved my kindness from the start.

Find a friend

When do you talk to yourself?
When you’re sad? Or angry?
When you are happy and eager?
Or while you are lonely?

What do you say to yourself?
Words of hate and annoyance,
Reproachful but kind words,
Or do you console yourself?

Do you hate yourself and present?
Or are you kind to yourself?
What you do to yourself,
Maybe no one will find out.

Love yourself if no one will,
Be kind to yourself if no one is,
But no man is an island,
Look around and find a friend.