Stoic from anger suppression

There were times when I looked back,
Where I regretted my inaction,
Because you convinced me to stay,
And take your side all the time.

I looked back and found things,
Where I regret not walking away,
When your temper bursts,
Using my well-being as your excuse.

You were shouting at someone and making a scene,
And when I tried calming you, you turned on me,
“Why aren’t you on my side? You’re my girlfriend!”
I should’ve walked away back then.

You also once reminded me too much,
That if I leave you you will kill yourself,
That I am your only reason to live,
I should’ve told you, “your life is not my responsibility.”

When I was breaking up with you in private,
Because of my sympathy for your reactions,
You pushed me down and cried while begging,
“Just one last sex, because it might never happen again.”

I should’ve slapped you then,
But my emotions shut itself down,
I couldn’t understand what I was feeling,
Was it pity, was it anger, or was it disgust?

You tried your best to get me pregnant,
I knew then but I was feeling lost,
I didn’t know whether to stop you or just let you,
Because I was so confused because I’ve told you not to.

I regretted that I didn’t push you away,
Because you convinced me from the start it was your right,
Your right as my boyfriend, to have sex often,
Because I’m your girlfriend, and I should let you.

Why didn’t I realize the signs in the beginning,
When I rejected you and you didn’t stop,
Spreading rumors and pressuring me,
To stop me from resisting so you can get what you want.

I really wish I was stronger back then,
To see the signs of your wrong actions,
But the society brought me up with misogynist views,
I didn’t know better, no one could’ve told me.

I wish I’ve woken up sooner,
To know that your control is only because I let you,
Because I was strong but too kind to you,
When you never deserved my kindness from the start.

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Misogyny killed my heart

Do you know what a kiss mean to a girl?
A dream of a romantic one with the one she chose,
Or simply put, a choice made with trust,
But you stole mine, because you wanted it.

Why was I born to an era full of wrong,
Where theft is blamed on thieves except chastity,
Where a stolen kiss is “romantic,”
And stolen virginity is your own fault.

Why didn’t I realize in my naivety,
When you stole my kiss, you stole my choice,
When you disregarded my voice, you would ignore my pleas,
And you would hurt me by stealing my very freedom.

You view me as yours and something you gained,
Someone you worked hard on to give you what you want,
That with your words, I would falter,
Because I SHOULD love you after you’ve given me “so much”.

You see my possessions as something of yours,
With enough of my freedom just so I don’t complain,
But you manipulate me with words to get what you want,
With the money I worked for and my body that “SHOULD” belong to me,

All these reasons and you still call me selfish,
When I said no and you tell me to stop playing coy,
You say you love me but you just want company,
Because your life is miserable and full of discontent.

Tell me now what you told me back then,
When you told me you love me and RESPECT me.
That you would listen to me and protect me from harm,
When the most threatening one was you all along.

C.O.N.S.E.N.T.

Do you wish my hate and contempt?
Are the words I uttered unheard?
Are you deaf or just uncomprehending?
No means no and you are not in control of me.

Have I not be clear when I said it so?
When I say no and you push your suit,
When I push you away and you taunt me,
You said I wanted it when I didn’t.

There are limits for my tolerance,
And it’s shorter now after staying with you,
You make me feel guilty when I shouldn’t be,
You blame me, yet you’re the one at fault.

You call me selfish, again and again,
To my face and behind my back.
I know I am granted what I want and need,
But your ego is on another level.

I’m hating you and hating my decisions,
I will end this soon and you will know it.
Because I’m hating you and I’m blaming you,
For the wrongs I suffer when I am with you.

Your claims are lies

I have told you of my wish,
To leave and spread my wings,
To grow and learn some things,
I simply can’t do if I stay.

You drain my time and resources,
You claim me yet you envy me,
You wish for my pride in you,
Yet you can’t give me proof.

You say my standards are high,
I ask too much and give too little,
That my freedom of choice is selfishness,
And I should stay to keep you happy.

You wish for me like sunlight,
That I should be happy so you can be,
But I have emotions of my own,
And with you there is less so.

Give me my freedom and peace,
Live on your own and for yourself,
I do not wish to be your pillar,
When I need a support of my own.

My sister is a bit selfish

My sister clings to my arm,
She drags me to places she wants,
To the mall or to the bar,
If there’s no man to warm her heart

She complains to me a lot,
And she takes care of me when not,
Only when she’s lonely,
When no one will take her to places.

I love my sister, really,
But she rarely loves me back,
She doesn’t care when I get sick,
As long as there’s her lover in her room.

I try my best to bear it,
When she finds one to give her heart,
But she forgets me when she does,
And I miss her, but that’s that.